It has been a year but I’ll never forget,
what happened was a vivid blur
and I am still trying to make sense of it all,
interpreting and reinterpreting it again.
It was the shock, I was in shock –
I remember your eyes, they were ashamed,
looking down at the floor while our friends looked concerned
and I was smiling nervously,
or maybe obliviously,
and when you broke the news, I…
can only remember what happened after.
Our friends went outside to say goodbye to you
as the blinding sun shone through the window like nothing happened
while I was still in that room,
wrapped up in self-loathing,
tortured by the unfairness,
and strangled by invisible iron chains.
I am still there, watching as time walks ahead of me,
and watching you walk ahead of me,
and I am still interpreting and reinterpreting it all
and seeing everything I could have done differently,
and just maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.